NFL Predictions: Week Twelve

So a Saints-Vikings NFC championship game would be more fun and more expected than anything the Superbowl can promise at this point. Those are probably the two best teams in the nation right now. Also, I'd like to say the NFL needs to change it's sudden-death overtime rules for one reason and one reason only: it's more fun to see both teams score more points.

Indianapolis at Houston (+2.5)
Not content to drive just other teams’ defensive coordinators furious, Peyton Manning has actually thrown down challenges to the Colts’ defense. The Ravens head coach Harbaugh made the exact same (wrong) fourth quarter call as Belichick two weeks ago and both underestimated the Colts defense after (arguably) over-estimating Manning. The mentality of “the undefeated Colts have to lose sometime” is comparable to Vegas gamblers chasing their losses in a vain effort to win them back. As a strike against the Colts though, Manning has been off his mark, statistically speaking, three weeks in a row and is due for a typically exceptional performance. Wait. Am I degenerate gambler? Whatever. Colts cover.

Kansas City at San Diego (-14.5)
The Chiefs aren’t 3 points better than the Steelers and the Chargers aren’t 29 points better than the Broncos, but here we are. San Diego smoked the Chiefs by 30 ka-blamos earlier this year, in KC. So, all else being even, the spread should be 32.5 in San Diego’s favor. But getting rid of Larry Johnson has worked better for the Chiefs than most wart removers and I’d say they are different team than three weeks ago. Now I expect a number things from this game: 1) Darren Sproles will drive defenders nuts 2) KSU fans, even if rooting for the Chiefs, will feel an unexplainable amount of pride when that happens and 3) for reasons I can't possibly explain, the Chiefs beat the spread.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (even)
Ben Roethlisberger is out. Charlie Batch is out. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in. No, Joe won’t be the starting quarterback for the Steelers this game but if he had an NFL career that consisted of only two passes, he’d have more experience than the actual starting QB: Dennis Dixon. The Ravens aren’t an easy defense for any quarterback (see: Manning’s performance). The Ravens are masters at losing close games but I’d say the best .500 team in the NFL. This is unusual, but the personalities on both defenses will probably be more than then their offensive counter-parts. This could be a game of James Farrior vs. Ray Lewis. Troy Polamula vs. Ed Reed. If the Ravens lose now, their season is over. Ravens win.

New England at New Orleans (-2.5)
I love what the Saints have become. Drew Brees replaced his arm with a t-shirt cannon, the defense scores almost 1 TD/game and Reggie Bush has settled into being the team acrobat. The Patriots will undoubtedly win their division but they are not the best team in the nation anymore--which I am thankful for. I have more fun watching football when other people are having more fun.

Patriots' Belichick after he won the goddamn Superbowl--has the man never even seen a smile?

Saint's Payton after he saved 15% or more on car insurance.