Bound Around Town

I am riding the bus and finding myself getting pissed every time the bus stops at a stop. Only one person gets on. I look ahead and see the next stop is only a block away. These stops should be consolidated. I can’t believe there is one person standing at the next stop. They could have walked over to the first stop and then the bus wouldn’t have to stop the second time, assuming nobody wanted off—and even if they did, they could get off at the first stop. I’ve got places to be. Step on the gas bus driver. Put a jalapeno in the tailpipe and let’s go! No, don’t stop. That person needs to walk anyway. I could walk faster than this. I won’t. But I could. I watch the one person get off and he almost trips. Such incompetence.

I pray that nobody saw me trip off the bus but somehow I know somebody did. Whatever. I don’t care about being clumsy. That’s who I am. Unless that’s why she left me. It’d make sense in the way that I can’t figure out any other reason she’d stop loving me. I feel so melodramatic, which makes me more melodramatic. I am a walking cliché. I hate when I think I’m in a movie when I’m just living life. I don't want to be lonely but I don't want to ever fall in love again. Love isn't rational and you can't trust something that's not rational. Just then I see a guy standing alongside the road; I wonder if he knows he’s not at a bus stop?

My roommate is always late. Here I am freezing my ass off on the street curb and he can’t drive ten blocks in as many minutes. Probably got lost. I answer my phone. You’re on your way? No kidding. I hang up. I need a drink and I need one bad. Not as badly as I need ten though. Hell, this might be a twenty-night. I’ve had a couple of those, I think. I’ve always been under the impression that anyone who doesn’t like college life is just too sober. We’re young, we’re meant to have as much fun as possible. And we usually do; at least when our friends pick us up when they say they will and not twenty minutes later. I see my roommate and flag him down.

Is that guy waving at me? No wait, it was for the car; good thing I didn't wave back. He's probably going to be blasted tonight. Good for him. I don’t know what I’m doing tonight. And that’s disappointing. I really need to read “Vacation” by Deb Olin Whatever but the damn library said the book was declared lost. Okay fine. But it was declared lost in February 1988! It was lost before I was born. At what point does the library admit the book is gone and get a new one? Calm down. I need to be cool. But now I know I can’t do my homework tonight and that’s disappointing. Maybe it’s already night. What time is it? I pull out my cell phone. Two pennies drop on the ground. Two pennies? Not worth it. I keep walking.

Two pennies? Excellent. It’s not a fortune, but now I have a buck seventy-eight. More than enough for a cheeseburger. That’s like four foods from the food pyramid. Cheese is one of the pillars of the pyramid, right? Wait. What pyramid has pillars? The system don't make a lick of sense. And definitely not a dollar and seventy-eight cents. I’m probably lucky they don’t sell seventy-eight cent lottery tickets. Or do they? And what the hell is that smell?

And what the hell is that smell? Does that lady think it's me? She shot me the stink-eye. What’s wrong with this world? Should have I said sorry? I don't smell; and I’m always saying sorry. I have to stop doing that. Starting tomorrow, because I’m definitely going to be saying sorry within the hour. Our relationship just isn’t working. I can’t control how I feel but I’m tired of feeling this way. I need a change in my life. Maybe it’s a change for the better, maybe not; but it’s a change. We’re too similar to be a couple but I hope we can stay friends. I just need somebody who isn’t like me, or maybe nobody at all. My life isn't where it should be. I envy that guy over there at the bus stop. There’s somebody who doesn’t give a shit about anything.

I think I missed the bus. I was a little late but aren’t buses usually a little late? Doesn’t really matter. I could wait here for the next twenty-four if I had to. I won’t. But I could. Nobody is expecting me anywhere. I see so many people it’s hard to image what they’re all thinking. Where they’re all going. It’s impossible. Sad really. Really sad if nobody wonders what I’m thinking. I should think something clever in case someone can read my thoughts. Shit. I can’t think of anything. I’m lonely, I’m sorry. If the city was my house I’d be under house arrest. That’s stupid. Okay, what if I knew this was my last twenty-four hours of loneliness? What if the entire rest of my life, I’d be with people? What would I do for my last day of solitude? The answer to that is what I am going to do today. Just as soon as the bus gets here.