Just Might Stand Up

I've been trying to write a book recently. You see, a book is kind of like a movie with only subtitles...forget it. My word count is down a little so I'm trying to stretch out the story with doodles. That's how I got past my Western Civilization class, at least. Did I deserve to get a 50% on an exam answer that included a doodle of Aristotle punching Godzilla? Of course I did. I earned that grade. It was symbolic, people.

What I don't like about writing a novel for the first time though is that people want to know what my plan is when I finish. Am I going to self-publish or send it to New York or some contest or what. I don't know, what do you do when you finish selling insurance? It's the same damn answer. I'm going to make a sandwich and buy a couple of lottery tickets.

Three people this week have told me I should look into doing stand up comedy but in each case it was after a one-on-one conversation. And see, that's the difference to me. If I'm only talking with one person, it's easy to be comfortable. That's why I could only be a blind comedian. Or a drunk comedian. But I don't think entertainers drink anymore, that was really more a 1960s thing.

But I have been looking for a job recently. What? An unemployed writer looking for a part-time job?! Go on... No, seriously, I'm tired of being put up for judgment this often. I've become increasingly more self-conscious. It's like middle school all over again. The manager said she'd call me. I spend all weekend waiting by the phone and don't get a peep. I thought the interview went well. I really thought she liked me. Maybe she's just playing hard to get, but I don't want to look too desperate or she'll tell her other employer friends. What I really need is a friend to pass the employer a note during third period: Do you like Nick? Yes or No? Just stop playing with my heart!

Listen, you've been the best audience I've never seen or heard. I'll see you next time you read me.