Cut Short

I have a confession to make: I got my hair cut.

I succumbed to outside pressure to change myself superficially. I liked how I looked but that wasn't enough for some people. I began to believe I was being held back in anyway one can be held back by looking like any number of "crazy" "celebrities" (Dave Grohl, Grizzly Adams, Jesus, George Harrison, Tom Cruise in THE LAST SAMURAI, Henry Fonda, etc.).

My look was originally the result of laziness mixed in with frugality. Later it became an embodiment of comfortable originality. I was the in-between of radicals (see: Pink) and the establishment (see: Johnny Unitas).

Of course most people will offer up some kind of flip remark in the vein of, "Your hair/beard/whatever doesn't make you who you are; it only matters what's on the inside." And while true, I feel different on the inside. I am embarrassed because I finally see a physical representation of my own societal negotiations. I am not Henry David Thoreau; I can not just leave society, so I negotiate my beliefs daily. For example, I am using "blogspot" for this blog and am generally using Sunflower Broadband to get here. However, I feel I at least break even if I can entertainment people in a meaningful way and/or being meaningful in an entertaining way.

But now I went too far. If I had cut my hair to prove a point or to donate it or to do whatever, then I would not have a problem looking like this. But that's not why it happened. I cut my hair because it MIGHT have been keeping me from getting a job (side note: this blog has earned my 8 cents since inception). When/If I get a job, my time with be focused on some mundane task likely serving mundane people. Moreover, I will have less time to write on this blog, outside short films or the novel that has yet to develop a beginning, middle or end.

Any cause done for a shallow reason is a shallow cause. This isn't about hair, this is about knowing why anyone does anything. Know why you act or know why you do not.

I screwed up in a way that affects nobody but myself. Still, that's the only way I ever learn.