NFL Predictions: Week Seven

Minnesota at Pittsburgh (-5)
The Vikings nearly blew a three-possession lead last week to the crest-fallen Ravens. My guess is that the Vikings started watching Steelers footage during the game; which ironically would only teach them how to blow a huge fourth quarter lead. Both teams should just agree to skip the first three quarters because that’s only going to keep them as equals. Vikings (nearly) made one fourth quarter fuck up, but the Steelers (nearly) do it every week. This is a case of learning from a mistake vs. correcting a habit. Will the Viking’s kicker Longwell hit the game winning field goal? Doesn’t matter. Viking’s cover.

San Diego at Kansas City (+4.5)
The Chiefs are better this year than last year, albeit only a touchdown or two better. They played the Chargers twice last year and lost by a COMBINED two points. Last week the Charges just lost a rough game against a very good Broncos team and the Chiefs squeaked past a pretty awful Redskins team, which would give San Diego a clear edge in most situations. However, that Chargers’ loss hurt them bad in their playoff hopes and the Chiefs escaped Detroit-esque notoriety with their win. Chief fans need a win at home. Small time upset in the works. Chiefs more than cover, they win.

New England at Tampa Bay (+15) at London
I hate the NFL sending games overseas. I always feel like some idiot showing off a stupid pet trick to a friend but the pet won’t do the trick this one damn time just because someone else is watching. American football is the stupid pet and no single game--whether the trick is pulled off or not--is going to convince those cross-pond soccer fanatics to pick up a football team, much less start a league of their own. (Note: the European football league is a joke funded by NFL owners who want to keep young talent rust-free.) Also, if the Patriots can’t beat the winless Buccaneers by at least twenty points they should all have to swim back to Boston.

Atlanta at Dallas (-3.5)
If a legacy could be redeemed for points Dallas would be undefeated, but it can’t and they’re a hiccup away from a frustratingly expected .500 season. The Cowboys are fresh from a bye-week, meaning Jerry Jones had plenty of time to shove wads of money down Tony Romo’s throat in a vain effort to make him a better quarterback, but the Falcons are rolling from respectable wins against the 49ers and Bears. Dallas gets a three-point bump for being at home and another point because people want to go back to “the good old days.” On a neutral field, Atlanta scores when they feel like it—at Dallas, they just make sure to win. Atlanta.