NFL Predictions: Week Thirteen

Lessons learned from last week: the Saints are blessed, I should be using real money and it's time to stop being a horse's ass and admit Brett Favre is playing especially well. Perhaps MVP well.

Tennessee at Indianapolis (-7.5)
The Colts baffle spectators week after week as probably the weakest team to ever go 11-0, whatever that means. Meanwhile the Titans have won 5 in a row after losing their first 6 games. Now with Dwight Freeney out, Peyton Manning has gone and hurt his hand just to seemingly fit in with the cool kids. Manning will play, no doubt, but the Colts haven't had an impressive win since playing the Titans in October; and that was when Tennessee was one loss away from putting "Nashville Icon" contestants in the starting lineup. Winning by 8 points is asking a lot considering this Titans team is flirting the the notion of having an idea of possibly forming an upset strategy. Tennessee beats the spread.

New England at Miami (+4)
Unlike in their loss to Indianapolis, the entire Patriots team got embarrassed by the Saints last week. Now the Patriots have "overlooked" the Cheetos-munching, perpetually worthless Dolphins several times. However they won't overlook the stupid "Wildcat formation" that gives every Miami fan a boner. That formation has wasted dozens of drives and even lost games, but never mind that, it beat the Patriots years ago! The Patriots lost by 1 to the Colts then slapped the Jets by 17; the Patriots then lost by 21 to the Saints so should beat the Dolphins by...37? This isn't the Patriots of 2007 but it is the Patriots, so yeah, they cover.

Dallas at New York (Giants) (+1.5)
The Cowboys have won 6 of their last 7. The Giants have lost 5 of their last 6. Tony Romo has a 93.9 quarterback rating. The Giants couldn't protect Eli Manning if Dallas replaced their D-line with Jerry Jones and Jason Alexander. Only an idiot would pick against the Cowboys in this game. Giants.

Minnesota at Phoenix (even)
Even odds? Are you joking with me? This probably won't stick through Sunday but I'm writing this Friday and at least three sources have this game as 50-50...which it isn't. The Cardinals are only marginally better than they were last year, when they were 8-8 until making an unexplainable playoff run. It's become increasingly difficult (read: impossible) to deny Favre's positive influence on the Vikings--a quarterback rating of 112.1 this late in the season is phenomenal for anyone, no matter how awful their retirement speeches are. Vikings win and don't expect it to be a squeaker.

Baltimore at Green Bay (-2.5)
This is Ravens' quarterback Joe Flacco pointing to where he plans on throwing his next interceptions.
Packers cover.