End the War

Dear Fellow Liberal Elitists,

Recently I was informed that there was still a war going on. A war that had nearly drifted out of my consciousness. Acknowledging my own apathy, I must say it is time to end this prolonged war on ideological differences that has done nothing but distract the American public from real issues and divided us all as a nation. I hate to say it, but I feel I must, it is time we end the War on Christmas.

Like all liberals, I was totally gung-ho for the war when the issue resurfaced some time ago. Now most people believe the war started in 1998, shortly after the world was startled to discover President Bill Clinton had been a morally imperfect politician. With an unprecedented moral vacuum, this seemed like the perfect time to strike back at God-fearing Christians. But actually the origins of the War on Christmas can date back to the 1970s, when minority movements weakened the conformity strength of normal America.

Regardless, we went to war with Christmas based on wrong intelligence, as it has since been proven there is no link between Santa, Jesus and freedom suppression. And even though things can never go back to normal--as we live in a post-Christmas world--and we had a number of "victories," we need to cut our losses.

This is a holy war for our enemies while our side as never had less enthusiasm. And yes, the Hallmark "happy holidays" surge made a difference, but to what end? There is no "Christmas" nation--except for maybe the Vatican. We are wasting resources over this ill-conceived endeavor that has not proven itself to actually make us any safer.

And while many proponents of this War on Christmas say it is better to fight the enemy over there than on our turf, I believe that we have in fact unified, and dare I say "radicalized," the opposition against us. Those same supporters for the war believe that my proposed time-table withdrawal is a surrender to the enemy. But what if "losing" this war (that cannot be won) makes us stronger? You don't need to win every hand to win a game of poker.

Similarly, going to war with clear objectives and time frames is no different than going out to the bars with a predetermined drink maximum. Otherwise you risk drinking more and more and end up fighting a guy over a game of pool, get sent to the pokey and spend the rest of the night explaining to some guy named "Ranch" why you don't want to be his bunk buddy. Moreover, we shouldn't have gone to war while still emotional about the morality voters actions in the late 90s. We were terrified, panicked and avoided looking for reasoning other than blaming outside enemies--who we assumed were trying to crush our freedoms.

I'm not anti-war, but I am anti-this war. No more War on Christmas. Peace and love.

Sincerely,
Radley Q. Freewater