Recently I suggested to my two roommates that we kill an entire day and watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended edition. Like most things I say, I was half-joking; but unlike most things I say, they both took this suggestion 100%. So that very day we went to the grocery store and bought munching food. We also made a pair of phone calls to recruit fellowship prospects. As getting everybody together was not unlike getting ten cats in one box, we didn't actually all sit down until 8:45 pm. Being the compulsive writer I am, I logged our journey in real time. It was at this hour when hobbits came to shape the fortunes of all.
8:45pm - Matt just gave us a kickoff speech. From here, Matt, Jeht, Max, Angelina, RC and myself will embark on the (extended) trilogy to Mordor and back. Food is plentiful and everyone is in good spirits.
8:50pm - Actually Matt has disappeared in the kitchen, juggling food and drink. Our journey has been delayed, but why not get it right?
"Whispers of a Nameless Fear"
9:48pm - "Get off the road! Quick!" Everybody is still drinking and laughing. There is an appropriate amount of credence to the film (as we know when to shut the fuck up) but yet people aren't afraid to venture jokes and quips.
10:37pm - Jeht just made pizza rolls at Rivendell. We celebrated.
10:42pm - We changed discs and everyone wrote their favorite lines on a giant piece of butcher paper hanging on the wall. p.s. I can't wait for: "What is this new devilry?"
11:23pm -"You shall not pass!" Everyone is totally into it, but conversations have strayed into strange realms. Ex. "What would a date with Gandolf entail?"
11:28pm - I feel good but don't like how quickly 6 people ate 80 pizza rolls. Also, why do people forget that Ewoks wanted to EAT Han, Luke and Leia? I mean, shit, that's dark.
11:45pm - Matt passed out Hawaiian bread. Easily the tastiest thing ever. This is our elven bread? Or is it elfin bread? You nerds know what I mean.
12:17pm - Fellowship is broken over (read: end of the first movie). Shorter than I feared. Wait. We're only one-third through this story? Dammit...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
NFL Predictions: Probowl Weekend
You'd be hard pressed in this world to find a bigger waste of time and resources than the NFL Probowl, this year more than any previous year. Traditionally the Probowl (professional football's all-star game), is held the weekend after the Superbowl--lifting it to a prominence generally worthy of a, "oh yeah, I forgot about that." This year though, it is being held in the same stadium as the Superbowl, one week before the biggest annual event in televised sports--arguably because they don't play the game seven damn times.
Football players, like high school seniors, mentally clock out for the summer as soon as their duties are done for the season, meaning the Raiders usually get a 3 month head start, the Chiefs start their annual "rebuilding" season and Ricky Williams gets to toke up in January--also like high school seniors. But then the players are dragged back to play in sunny Hawaii; and yes they are dragged, as each "honored" player is given a sizable bonus check (likely buried in the back of the end zone). Imagine how much effort students would put to an assignment a week after getting their final grade. Now imagine those students are already promised no less than $600,000/week next fall if they don't get injured. Football fans are then forced to watch this attitude manifested on the field for three arbitrary hours. I think last year they actually caught Matt Hasselback tampering with the game clock to shave off 11 or 12 minutes.
Now, I say fans are "forced to watch" this game because it is an unusually pathetic all-star game. Perhaps this steams from the physical nature of the game, as baseball players can still try to hit home runs in their all-star game and basketball still gets classic one-on-one match ups. But with football, the season is over and nobody cares about scoring (or stopping) touchdowns. You can almost smell the Hawaiian rum from the field to your living room.
Not only is the Probowl game regrettably less forgettable due to its two-week bump, but now it's been rendered even more useless as 14 players for the Colts and Saints will obviously not be playing. Forget injury on the field, if there's an off chance somebody were to throw a hot dog at Drew Brees and blind him with mustard, I wouldn't want him to play a week before the Game of the Year. As these players were still selected, they must unconscionably miss out on pre-Superbowl team practices and meetings, as they are expected to physically be at the Probowl. That gives the NFL 14 designated drivers who are supposed to be prepping for the game of a lifetime.
Even beyond the Superbowl teams, players are waving off their Probowl invitations. No Tom Brady this year. Or Randy Moss. No Ben Roethlisberger. And--this may foreshadow a future post--definitely no Brett Favre. Instead, the NFL is turning towards players who didn't even play for the entire season to fill out their all-star rosters. Is the 19th best QB in the NFL an all-star? Apparently. All of a sudden the NFL Probowl is becoming a try-out camp for next year, not unlike the NCCA's "Senior Bowl." Which actually brings me to...
Don't have an all-star game. Have an almost-star game. Pick the players on teams that don't get much field action and have them play against each other. You better believe they'll play harder than your commercial/SNL/press conference boys will play. And if the competition gets harder, you'll really be able to see just who has some talent. As it stands now, nobody tries so fans can't really gauge if that was a good play or poor defense. And no coach or owner will have to say this to the players, but the message will be clear: you are playing for the privilege to be on a team next year. Here's a general writing lesson the NFL should know: it doesn't matter what the hero wants, if they want it badly, the audience will want them to get it. Translation: if the players WANT to win, the audience will want them to win.
And that's how the NFL can win, too.
EDITING NOTE: Just realized there wasn't one "prediction" in this blog post, so let's just say...uh...the NFC will win.
Football players, like high school seniors, mentally clock out for the summer as soon as their duties are done for the season, meaning the Raiders usually get a 3 month head start, the Chiefs start their annual "rebuilding" season and Ricky Williams gets to toke up in January--also like high school seniors. But then the players are dragged back to play in sunny Hawaii; and yes they are dragged, as each "honored" player is given a sizable bonus check (likely buried in the back of the end zone). Imagine how much effort students would put to an assignment a week after getting their final grade. Now imagine those students are already promised no less than $600,000/week next fall if they don't get injured. Football fans are then forced to watch this attitude manifested on the field for three arbitrary hours. I think last year they actually caught Matt Hasselback tampering with the game clock to shave off 11 or 12 minutes.
Now, I say fans are "forced to watch" this game because it is an unusually pathetic all-star game. Perhaps this steams from the physical nature of the game, as baseball players can still try to hit home runs in their all-star game and basketball still gets classic one-on-one match ups. But with football, the season is over and nobody cares about scoring (or stopping) touchdowns. You can almost smell the Hawaiian rum from the field to your living room.
Not only is the Probowl game regrettably less forgettable due to its two-week bump, but now it's been rendered even more useless as 14 players for the Colts and Saints will obviously not be playing. Forget injury on the field, if there's an off chance somebody were to throw a hot dog at Drew Brees and blind him with mustard, I wouldn't want him to play a week before the Game of the Year. As these players were still selected, they must unconscionably miss out on pre-Superbowl team practices and meetings, as they are expected to physically be at the Probowl. That gives the NFL 14 designated drivers who are supposed to be prepping for the game of a lifetime.
Even beyond the Superbowl teams, players are waving off their Probowl invitations. No Tom Brady this year. Or Randy Moss. No Ben Roethlisberger. And--this may foreshadow a future post--definitely no Brett Favre. Instead, the NFL is turning towards players who didn't even play for the entire season to fill out their all-star rosters. Is the 19th best QB in the NFL an all-star? Apparently. All of a sudden the NFL Probowl is becoming a try-out camp for next year, not unlike the NCCA's "Senior Bowl." Which actually brings me to...
Don't have an all-star game. Have an almost-star game. Pick the players on teams that don't get much field action and have them play against each other. You better believe they'll play harder than your commercial/SNL/press conference boys will play. And if the competition gets harder, you'll really be able to see just who has some talent. As it stands now, nobody tries so fans can't really gauge if that was a good play or poor defense. And no coach or owner will have to say this to the players, but the message will be clear: you are playing for the privilege to be on a team next year. Here's a general writing lesson the NFL should know: it doesn't matter what the hero wants, if they want it badly, the audience will want them to get it. Translation: if the players WANT to win, the audience will want them to win.
And that's how the NFL can win, too.
EDITING NOTE: Just realized there wasn't one "prediction" in this blog post, so let's just say...uh...the NFC will win.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Having Faith
Dark matter is a theoretical form of matter that does not reflect or emit electromagnetic radiation. There is no proof of its existence, but its existence answers a lot of questions people just don't know. In fact, dark matter isn't so much of a physical "thing" as it is a placeholder for the mystery in the universe.
Odd that people don't worship dark matter.
Odd that people don't worship dark matter.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The January Skyscraper
I have one novel idea, but that’s not enough for a book.
I considered hitting a dog in the face with a cream pie and felt down thinking about it. I considered hitting a cat in the face with a cream pie and fell down laughing about it.
While discussing TV actors with a friend, another friend started singing, “Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound. Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now.” After I moment I realized what had happened and yelled into the other room, “We were talking about Kelsey Grammer!”
A grizzly bear got shoved out of a plane. For that minute before the parachute deployed, the bear just absolutely freaked the fuck out.
Brett accused me of never washing my car. I told him, “You watch too many movies, Brett.” I’ve discovered this is the ultimate comeback to any criticism. Use it wisely and rampantly.
I’ve been job hunting, in the sense that I tracked down employment opportunities and then killed them. I then got stopped by a Park Ranger who said using hand grenades is morally reprehensible and, more importantly, illegal. However I escaped her bear trap-like grip and hid underneath a waterfall for two and half days. After that I found some campers and stole a bag of Skittles. Now that’s a metaphor!
Like casinos, life has no seats for onlookers.
A “welcome” mat showed up at my door. I turned it backwards so that it does not welcome the people that do not visit me, but rather the mat welcomes me to the world when I leave.
I made up the jazz song name “Tuesday Bluesday” for forgotten reasons. My friend was convinced a song that bad must already exists. It turns out there is a band by that name, and a music series in Harrisburg…and a song.
Meanest thing I heard this month: “Nice shopping cart; what are you, homeless?”
Stanton said he wanted to be buried with all his Dallas Cowboy football jerseys. We all laughed. “I’m serious!” he said. We all laughed harder. When we stopped, he continued, “No. Really.” We stood in silence.
A young, British secret agent is sent on a top-secret mission half-a-world away to stop a madman from unleashing an unspeakable act of violence on the most powerful nations around the globe. The young, brash agent later discovers that the criminal mastermind was once the best secret agent for the same secret government agency that sent him. The name of the super villain? James Bond. Best movie ever? Yes.
Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you've lost a customer.
This story is a skyscraper because it is made up of dozens of stories.
I considered hitting a dog in the face with a cream pie and felt down thinking about it. I considered hitting a cat in the face with a cream pie and fell down laughing about it.
While discussing TV actors with a friend, another friend started singing, “Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound. Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now.” After I moment I realized what had happened and yelled into the other room, “We were talking about Kelsey Grammer!”
A grizzly bear got shoved out of a plane. For that minute before the parachute deployed, the bear just absolutely freaked the fuck out.
Brett accused me of never washing my car. I told him, “You watch too many movies, Brett.” I’ve discovered this is the ultimate comeback to any criticism. Use it wisely and rampantly.
I’ve been job hunting, in the sense that I tracked down employment opportunities and then killed them. I then got stopped by a Park Ranger who said using hand grenades is morally reprehensible and, more importantly, illegal. However I escaped her bear trap-like grip and hid underneath a waterfall for two and half days. After that I found some campers and stole a bag of Skittles. Now that’s a metaphor!
Like casinos, life has no seats for onlookers.
A “welcome” mat showed up at my door. I turned it backwards so that it does not welcome the people that do not visit me, but rather the mat welcomes me to the world when I leave.
I made up the jazz song name “Tuesday Bluesday” for forgotten reasons. My friend was convinced a song that bad must already exists. It turns out there is a band by that name, and a music series in Harrisburg…and a song.
Meanest thing I heard this month: “Nice shopping cart; what are you, homeless?”
Stanton said he wanted to be buried with all his Dallas Cowboy football jerseys. We all laughed. “I’m serious!” he said. We all laughed harder. When we stopped, he continued, “No. Really.” We stood in silence.
A young, British secret agent is sent on a top-secret mission half-a-world away to stop a madman from unleashing an unspeakable act of violence on the most powerful nations around the globe. The young, brash agent later discovers that the criminal mastermind was once the best secret agent for the same secret government agency that sent him. The name of the super villain? James Bond. Best movie ever? Yes.
Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you've lost a customer.
This story is a skyscraper because it is made up of dozens of stories.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
American Beauty for the ReGeneration
With the Oscars nearing closer everyday (like everything else in the future), I'd like to remind the Academy of a very important quality to look for in movies. This is especially important when they'll be able to choose from ten movies for Best Picture--probably Avatar, Precious, The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, Inglorious Basterds, A Serious Man, Nine, Invictus, Up and Star Trek (dead serious). The cinematic virtue I'm talking about is longevity. Not running length--though many of these films have that in spades, too--but of cultural relevance to the year the movie came out in.
It's these movies that have cultural relevance that stick with audiences. It's these movies that are more than Best Pictures winners. They remain in the public consciousness years later. This is what separates Braveheart from The Last Emperor. Why do people still know the goofy accents from Fargo but can't name the writer, director or star of The English Patient? Audiences don't remember Forrest Gump because it won Best Picture. Likewise, audiences haven't forgotten about Pulp Fiction even though it lost.
So let's talk about 1999. The Cider House Rules, The Green Mile, The Insider and The Sixth Sense were all beaten by American Beauty. More than the others, I feel The Sixth Sense was a better film than American Beauty. Unfortunately, The Sixth Sense is crushed by its iconic twist ending and deemed unwatchable by many solely because "they know the ending." But we don't watch movies to get to the ending. If that was true, all movies would be as short as possible. 5 second movies would become the norm. Aside from making 20 minutes of previews all that more excruciating, this would also serve as a sad commentary on life. Are we going through life to get to the ending? No, we're not. And no, we shouldn't be watching movies just to know the ending.
Back to an earlier point though, American Beauty may still have been the best pick for that year as it serves as a great marker on American sensibilities of the time. The late 90s was host to a number of movies backlashing against the rise of white-collar culture. American Beauty was about Lester quitting his job and rejecting all the status symbols his family and neighbors had come to love (including an Italian sofa). Similar themes are found in Fight Club, The Matrix, Office Space, American Psycho, etc.
This rejection of "the system" was itself a backlash to group unification seen in movies during the early nineties and eighties. This period was marked by the end of the Cold War and America's confusion about the next big threat. As we had been faced with nuclear annihilation for years on end, we could only imagine the next threat to be similarly huge. This is why movies focused more on unify against a common enemy--for instance, the saucer-aliens from Independence Day (my god, is that movie really THAT old?).
As the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001 were arguably the biggest single-day event in American history, it should be of no surprise that they changed movies. All of a sudden it's the little threats that scare us. Batman/James Bond/whoever else fights street criminals, not traditional super villains. Now we aren't concerned about aliens blowing up the entire east coast (as a metaphor for nuclear destruction), but we're concerned about aliens being near our homes and families, as seen in Signs (2003). In Signs, alien ships hover above Mexico City, and presumably other major cities, but we only learn this information through the television. The audience, like the characters, are stuck in their homes and neighborhoods, completely vulnerable to a threatening enemy we cannot see or understand.
Now let's re-examine my Oscar nominees prediction. These movies, for the most part, are not an acceptance or rejection of "the system." Nobody is going rogue, nor are unconnected people unifying. Rather there is a different phenomenon. Characters are finding their voice within the system they are a part of. They do not feel like a pawn in the great scheme of things like the characters in the late 90s. Brad Pitt is most definitely a part of the Allied forces in Inglorious Basterds, but he is special within the group. Kirk from Star Trek needs the star fleet to do what he feels is his calling, despite having a different up-bringing.
I think this mentality will reverberate within my previously defined ReGeneration. We need the system, we need each other, to reach new heights but also need independence to cope and fight with the independent-based threats flooding society. Outside of movie-world, nobody can argue that Facebook hasn't opened up new ways of organizing; while at the same time emphasizing the individuals. And while movies about being made about the financial industry, the army and even Facebook, I am confident they'll all be instantly forgettable if they don't tap into this solidifying generation.
Sometimes working within a good group isn't enough. Sometimes being a good individual isn't enough. And, sorry Academy Awards, sometimes winning Best Picture isn't enough.
It's these movies that have cultural relevance that stick with audiences. It's these movies that are more than Best Pictures winners. They remain in the public consciousness years later. This is what separates Braveheart from The Last Emperor. Why do people still know the goofy accents from Fargo but can't name the writer, director or star of The English Patient? Audiences don't remember Forrest Gump because it won Best Picture. Likewise, audiences haven't forgotten about Pulp Fiction even though it lost.
So let's talk about 1999. The Cider House Rules, The Green Mile, The Insider and The Sixth Sense were all beaten by American Beauty. More than the others, I feel The Sixth Sense was a better film than American Beauty. Unfortunately, The Sixth Sense is crushed by its iconic twist ending and deemed unwatchable by many solely because "they know the ending." But we don't watch movies to get to the ending. If that was true, all movies would be as short as possible. 5 second movies would become the norm. Aside from making 20 minutes of previews all that more excruciating, this would also serve as a sad commentary on life. Are we going through life to get to the ending? No, we're not. And no, we shouldn't be watching movies just to know the ending.
Back to an earlier point though, American Beauty may still have been the best pick for that year as it serves as a great marker on American sensibilities of the time. The late 90s was host to a number of movies backlashing against the rise of white-collar culture. American Beauty was about Lester quitting his job and rejecting all the status symbols his family and neighbors had come to love (including an Italian sofa). Similar themes are found in Fight Club, The Matrix, Office Space, American Psycho, etc.
This rejection of "the system" was itself a backlash to group unification seen in movies during the early nineties and eighties. This period was marked by the end of the Cold War and America's confusion about the next big threat. As we had been faced with nuclear annihilation for years on end, we could only imagine the next threat to be similarly huge. This is why movies focused more on unify against a common enemy--for instance, the saucer-aliens from Independence Day (my god, is that movie really THAT old?).
As the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001 were arguably the biggest single-day event in American history, it should be of no surprise that they changed movies. All of a sudden it's the little threats that scare us. Batman/James Bond/whoever else fights street criminals, not traditional super villains. Now we aren't concerned about aliens blowing up the entire east coast (as a metaphor for nuclear destruction), but we're concerned about aliens being near our homes and families, as seen in Signs (2003). In Signs, alien ships hover above Mexico City, and presumably other major cities, but we only learn this information through the television. The audience, like the characters, are stuck in their homes and neighborhoods, completely vulnerable to a threatening enemy we cannot see or understand.
Now let's re-examine my Oscar nominees prediction. These movies, for the most part, are not an acceptance or rejection of "the system." Nobody is going rogue, nor are unconnected people unifying. Rather there is a different phenomenon. Characters are finding their voice within the system they are a part of. They do not feel like a pawn in the great scheme of things like the characters in the late 90s. Brad Pitt is most definitely a part of the Allied forces in Inglorious Basterds, but he is special within the group. Kirk from Star Trek needs the star fleet to do what he feels is his calling, despite having a different up-bringing.
I think this mentality will reverberate within my previously defined ReGeneration. We need the system, we need each other, to reach new heights but also need independence to cope and fight with the independent-based threats flooding society. Outside of movie-world, nobody can argue that Facebook hasn't opened up new ways of organizing; while at the same time emphasizing the individuals. And while movies about being made about the financial industry, the army and even Facebook, I am confident they'll all be instantly forgettable if they don't tap into this solidifying generation.
Sometimes working within a good group isn't enough. Sometimes being a good individual isn't enough. And, sorry Academy Awards, sometimes winning Best Picture isn't enough.
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